Listening to: placebo-each and every song, till my head explodes
Reading: our story
Eating: cigarettes and old habits
he's gone. gone for a week and a day from now.
it rain only once since i moved in with him. i used to wake up everyday, next to him, watching the sun on the sky, from bed.
i love sunny days. i love the sun. i love everything about the sun, actually. i would so love to give more details about everything, but i just can't, i'm speechless. actually, i have been a totally different person since he left. i feel homeless, empty and disgusted about my life.
i can't find my words. i'm not going to school, because i just can't watch everyone's faces smiling, asking me how's it been.
it's been lovely, dear. actually, it was just perfect. oh and know what? now it's just a big pile of nothing.
i should really go to school now. promised myself i will.but i got somehow sick. promised i'll go to see the doctor, but i got so sick,i couldn't even get out of bed.
got out of bed, felt a little bit better and than took... oh well you know what they say "old habits die hard". felt awsome, than shitty, than awsome, and awsome, and awsome, and AWSOME. but than i just woke up,and realized he's really gone.
i keep on sleeping with his t-shirt. his smell still lingers on it which makes me fall asleep in the end, or should i say in the morning?
i feel hopeless, left aside, and i love and hate. i want to get in a fight so i could just empty that pack of rage inside of me. didn't feel this for years from now.
i started a short story which combines our story with fiction. it should have 17 parts, but i'm somehow stuck at 12. i promised myself i will finish it till my birthday, which will be quite... soon. i'm afraid i won't manage to finish it. my inspiration is just dead.
so to get back at the beginning, since he's gone, it rain daily. i can't fuckin stand england anymore. no offence for my english watchers.
hmmm, till i finished this post i actually feel numb.
it's just a state of mind, i suppose. nah, it's just how i am daily: hopeless, guilty, in love, disorientated, disgusted, crazy, empty, numb. i go to sleep,and start again.